Thursday, March 26, 2009

From time to time, I get a little bored in my job.

I don't talk about work much on this blog, so let me disclose: I am a server at a great, Michelin rated restaurant here in LA, and we are fortunate to have some of the best food in the US, let alone LA. We are lucky enough to have stayed busy (knock on wood) throughout the economic downturn, I am still making decent money, and I work with great people. Really, it's a great job.

Nevertheless, as all of us do with any job, I get bored. The thing I can count on more than anything to keep it fresh is that I never know what customers will decide to let out of their mouths that day. For the most part, I have heard it all.
That being said, last night I heard something even I couldn't believe:

Int Night: Table of four attractive women, conspicuously wearing designer clothes, b/w 35 and 45, kinda Milfy. Drinks and menus on the table. Adam returns to take the order.

Adam: "Ladies-"
Woman #1, animated, to her girlfriends, ignoring waiter who is clearly present and listening: "...Which is why, I SWEAR, I will never have another Jewish husband!"

(That sentence alone is pretty remarkable. Wanting to neutralize the situation, and as I typically do so with with humor, I said the following:)

Adam "Wow. Well, you know what, neither will I."

(Please note: This is not because I am anti-semitic, really I am very pro-jew, but because I don't ever want a husband. I'm straight. That's the joke, and they laughed. But since I am a white american straight male, I will make the following qualification: In General, I really like Jewish people, with the exception being loud, stinky, obnoxious 20 yer old Israeli tourists who do things like, for example, repeatedy scream "Yankee, you're a pooosy! Drink!" in a hotel lobby in La Paz, but for the most part, I am the farthest thing from Anti-Semitic. Nobody be an over-sensiitive idiot and accuse me of being bigoted, which is clear to rational America that I am not. So let's move on.)

Women#2, #3, #4: "hahahaha"
[short beat]
Women #1, now even more animated and raising her voice a bit "Seriously, you know what, he wouldn't fuck me enough! I'm serious, He wouldn't want to fuck me NEARLY enough! He was a great father, a good friend, a great person, but he never wanted to fuck! You know what? I want to be fucked hard, and often. I mean, I want to be thrown on the ground, TAKEN, my arms held down and REALLY fucked HARD!!! you know?!?!?"

[beat]

Adam: "Anything else, or were you ready to order?"

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Weekend Highlights:

In Palm Springs at Gary and Karla (JB's parents) at their winter house, in a very nice private club for a weekend of relaxing, catching up, and various sports. G & K were such gracious hosts, putting all of the club amenities at our disposal: tennis courts, swimming pools, and even inviting us to order whatever we wanted from the club bar and restaurant. Which, naturally, immediately led to:

Ext Day. JB and Adam poolside, mid afternoon.

"Gentleman, would you like anything to drink?"
"Yes. A Long Island Iced Tea. [pause] And make it a double. [pause] And subsitute everything but the ice with Macallan."

Actually, I had an Arnold Palmer. I was going to swim some laps, and besides we had been on a bike ride up this great big climb earlier that morning, so I was trying to rehydrate and put off the drinking for Margaritas were scheduled for after that pool. Even the tequila onslaught did not derail JB and I from our taking advantage of the late afternoon of our day of maximum fitness, as we followed them with a run and and tennis, followed by a night of movies and drinking.

Oddly enough, I was more sore than hungover the next day. The next day also happened to have 60 mph winds, which affected our tennis game. For the most part, it helped mine, which says a lot about my tennis game.

all in all, it was great to get out of LA for a few days. I am off to Europe to do the Haute Route with JB in a few weeks, and will be working pretty much non-stop until then. Thanks for tuning in!