Wednesday, March 08, 2006

So, having already made TV in Uruguay, what better way to make a splash
in Argentina then to get into the paper. Well, it finally happened, and
contrary to the unsolicited speculation of my brother-in-law, it was
not because I was arrested. Besides, he gets enough calls from his High School friends in Kentucky for bail money as it is, I don't want to bother him.

I am in Mendoza, the wine capitol of Argentina, and this week is
Vendimia, the annual wine festival, with a parade, events, and this wierd
queen competition involving teenage girls with too much makeup (a la
Rose Festival for you Portlanders) and silicone. The guide books do
NOT mention that boob jobs only cost 1000 bucks in this country, and
they are the "it" accessory, especially for the 19 year old princess
crowd. And, incidentally, about half the women in Buenos Aires. Who

One part of the festivities is a road race, along the parade route
immediately prior to the floats going by. The Chileans at the hostel
who think I am crazy for running at all - by no means the first in my
life to think so thank you friends and extended family- saw it in the paper and pointed it out to me, laughing at the ridiculousness of running, you know, willingly, and not after a soccer ball.

I of course, could not resist. I even managed a bit of glory on the
family name:

So if the Argentines at the paper already took it offline to go drink wine and smoke
cigarettes, here is the relevant text:

"La nota de color la dio un estadounidense. Su nombre es Adam Boardman,
que aunque está de vacaciones en la provincia, se hizo un tiempito para
despuntar el vicio del trote. El turista del Norte llegó en el cuarto

Let me translate: "A note of color was given by Adam Boardman, an
American. Although on vacation he still managed to take the time to
race and get fourth place overall, passing three Argentine chumps in
the last 200 meters, and looking particularly dashing in his sleeveless
racing jersey. The local authority is already considering a eugenics
program pairing him with fertile, attractive local girls based on his
obvious virility and performance. Even the suspicion of which
immediately caused a stir in the Vendimia princess court, as Andrea
Sanchez and Maria Jesus Marquez got into a hair-pulling, tiara-smashing
fight over who got him first."

The local police not being used to any sport other than soccer matches
(I am not calling it football) and ogling women, are obviously ignorant
of standard race management protocol. It is generally best to, say,
stop auto traffic if you have 100 people simultaneously running through
the city streets, or maybe have a lead car to tell people not to eat
their ice cream in the middle of the race route. Literally, the last
800 yards were run THROUGH traffic...i.e. around the cars and grandmas
and families of 10 children and drunk greasy haired men in soccer
jerseys that seem to be everywhere here.

In other news, I also managed to FINALLY get some photos online:

Photographic proof that I am actually in South America, and not just holing up in some bunker in South Dakota and blatantly lying to everybody so you don't see me as a fraud. Besides, one Dick Cheney on this planet is enough, don't you think?


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3:47 PM  

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